I’m not a loner, I’m an introvert

I had one of those ‘duh’ reveleations today; one of those moments where you relearn something you learned a long time ago that you can’t for the life of you recall why you had forgotten: I’m an introvert.

I’ve never denied this, but I think I’ve been paying lipservice to it without considering what it means for me. This weekend is gay pride and tonight is when the clubs are bumpin’ and virtually everyone I know is out having a good time — but me. I’m at home wishing I enjoyed being out at the clubs but cognizant of the fact that I don’t, and trust me I’ve tried. I jumped to the logical conclusion that I’m boring and even said out loud “you can ask anyone who knows me and they’ll agree”.

Except that statement doesn’t hold water. I stopped to think about it for a moment and while I have no doubt whatsoever that my friends would classify me as many things, weird, odd, and geeky among them, I don’t think they’d label me as boring1. I’m not shy, I can carry on a conversation, I enjoy doing activities in small groups, I both initiate activities and join in existing activities. I’m primarily boring in an extroverted context: large groups and in loud places. I’m the dufus trying to have a conversation with someone in a loud club. I’m the guy standing in the corner of the room because the only person I know at the party is the host and he’s busy with everyone else.

I crave company but I’ve been going about it all wrong. I need to initiate and join in gatherings that leverage my optimal social setting: small groups. Dinner parties, game nights, trips to museums, one-on-one interaction, all of these play strongly into my ideal introvert social setting.

I’m not a loner, I’m just an introvert and I need to start using those focused thinking skills that introverts are known for to solve my desire for company instead of wishing I was more extroverted which has consistently proven to get me nowhere.

1 Friends reading this are welcome to chime in and assert that my statement is, in fact, correct. Please include examples :)