I’m not a loner, I’m an introvert

I had one of those ‘duh’ reveleations today; one of those moments where you relearn something you learned a long time ago that you can’t for the life of you recall why you had forgotten: I’m an introvert.

I’ve never denied this, but I think I’ve been paying lipservice to it without considering what it means for me. This weekend is gay pride and tonight is when the clubs are bumpin’ and virtually everyone I know is out having a good time — but me. I’m at home wishing I enjoyed being out at the clubs but cognizant of the fact that I don’t, and trust me I’ve tried. I jumped to the logical conclusion that I’m boring and even said out loud “you can ask anyone who knows me and they’ll agree”.

Except that statement doesn’t hold water. I stopped to think about it for a moment and while I have no doubt whatsoever that my friends would classify me as many things, weird, odd, and geeky among them, I don’t think they’d label me as boring1. I’m not shy, I can carry on a conversation, I enjoy doing activities in small groups, I both initiate activities and join in existing activities. I’m primarily boring in an extroverted context: large groups and in loud places. I’m the dufus trying to have a conversation with someone in a loud club. I’m the guy standing in the corner of the room because the only person I know at the party is the host and he’s busy with everyone else.

I crave company but I’ve been going about it all wrong. I need to initiate and join in gatherings that leverage my optimal social setting: small groups. Dinner parties, game nights, trips to museums, one-on-one interaction, all of these play strongly into my ideal introvert social setting.

I’m not a loner, I’m just an introvert and I need to start using those focused thinking skills that introverts are known for to solve my desire for company instead of wishing I was more extroverted which has consistently proven to get me nowhere.

1 Friends reading this are welcome to chime in and assert that my statement is, in fact, correct. Please include examples :)

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I'm a gay geek living in Seattle, WA.

2 thoughts on “I’m not a loner, I’m an introvert”

  1. Hmmm….I think I remember I’m an introvert, too

    While in the shower, I remembered that according to Meyers’Briggs I’m an introvert, too. I’m the second rarest type or something. I remember disagreeing with the results so I took it again. It turns out that the test is pretty reliable! I don’t remember it’s validity score, though. If Kim’s reading this, she can tell you what I am.

    So, maybe we’re both introverts! But, I definitely wouldn’t call you boring :)


  2. Re: Filing disagreement

    I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said except your disagreement. I don’t necessarily think those traits are attached only to extroverts. I recently saw this article which seems to make a lot of sense to me (I’ve reserved the book at the library). Even the article on Wikipedia (being an obviously authoritative resource) seems to back up the blog and validate that “introverts like to be alone” is a misconception.


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