Earlier today while Daniel was mowing the lawn and I was washing dishes I recalled a close friend’s parent asking them “who was the girl” in my relationship. The question surfaces up one of the things I think is most awesome about same-sex relationships: there are no “expected” gender roles so we get to do whatever works for us expectation-free.
Daniel and I split up some of the classic gender roles in a variety of ways, usually playing to our strengths (he loves the outdoors and nature) and personalities (I’m an OCD clean-freak).
- He usually cooks and I do the dishes. When I bake he does dishes.
- We both wash and fold laundry.
- He mows the lawn. He gardens.
- He deals with the compost. I take the trash and recycling out.
- I vacuum the house. He cleans the toilets.
- We both do the grocery shopping.
- He takes care of the pets (and by pets I mean house plants).
- I wash the car. He takes pictures of me washing the car.
- He handles the house plumbing. I take care of the electrical work.
- We both work; I make more than he does (tech vs government sectors).
- Daniel does more of the emotional labor in the relationship (this is something I acknowledge and am working on).
- I pester him about calling his mother and reminding him of friends’ birthdays.
- I throw pottery. He blows glass. We both sew.
- He does woodworking. I write code.
- I lift weights and run. He rides a bike and played rugby.
- I’m vain about my hair (and never notice when he gets his cut).
- We both have some body-image issues.
Of course, most of the time when someone asks that question they’re really talking about sex. And to that I just have to laugh because it does nothing but highlight just how limited some people’s ideas of sex actually are. If you have to ask the question, you’re probably doing sex wrong.1